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Archive for June, 2004

and if i ever had any doubt that my not-soon-enough-ex-landlord is a fucknut? i found him *opening all my trash bags* and going thru my old letters, photos, financial statements – then not only denying it when i confronted him, but telling me it was my fault for putting the documents in his way.

i would have called the police, but i had to take the cat to the vet. and really… he can’t do any harm to me with the documents – that’s why i threw them out. *shakes head* just blows my mind that he’s that much of a dickwad.

i can’t wait to be out of there.

two more days, two more days, two more days…

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keep chanting that, keep in mind that the packing up is the hardest part, requires the most thought, planning how to wrap and box and bag everything, and then it’s mechanics, pure and simple. onto the truck, off of the truck. unpacking can take place at its own pace, as we pick and choose what to use to create *our* space together. thank you, Chica, for reminding me that there’s no call to unpack every damn stick of stuff, just what we need.

and our new landlord thankfully does nothing by halves. he promised us a railing around the ‘porch’ – we have a door that opens onto the roof of the front porch. and a railing would have been sufficient for child and feline safety. he didn’t just put up a railing. he put up a proper deck, flooring and all, a level wooden deck on top of the slightly-tilted-so-as-to-encourage-rain-water-to-run-away-from-the-house* porch roof.

we have a proper, enclosed deck space.

as tired as i know we’ll be after all this, i’m pretty sure i’ll be able to find that last little oomph to go to Home Despot and get a pretty little bistro table and chairs. 😉

we’ve packed all day, 10+ hours between both houses. (thank you, again but still not enough, Chica, for your help.) and my brain is so fried that i very nearly poured my wine into a Spongebob Squarepants sippy cup.

four more days… four more days… four more days…

and then we start. together. under the same roof. the start of the rest of our life together. 🙂

* an acquaintance, someone i met at a friend’s party, told me a story (this was all years ago), about thinking that the builders in Slummerville were uniformly for shit, because it seemed noone could build a level porch on a three-decker. finally, it hit him that there was a purpose to the incline. mm. good thing he wasn’t a builder, eh?

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Insular Majuscule
Insular Majuscule- You are spiritual and well rounded. People look to you for advice, but sometimes find you difficult to understand.

What Calligraphy Hand Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

(gacked from mechaieh… and one of these days, i’ll be able to spell that without checking twice. 😉 )

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Abundance :: fields

Casino :: wheel

Shell :: station

Overpriced :: market economy

Cancellation :: inevitable

Eternal :: wind

Lyrics :: karaoke

Faith :: based-initiative

Because :: non-negotiable

Wimp :: out

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so much has happened in the last few months, and i’ve barely had time to write any of it down. i want to write it down, for you (hopefully entertaining) and for me (for the days where i only have one brain cell – no friction, no memory). i need to carve out time to do that.

and hopefully, that will be easier after July 1. that’s Moving Day. it’s rushing in, which both delights and terrifies me. not nearly enough time to pack, but that much closer to being moved, and finding out what the next phase of family life looks like.

i’ve had my first Mother’s Day, my first parent-teacher conference, chaperoned a field trip for Little Small, gone to his graduation, dealt with the ex as part of Little Small’s ‘all together family’ (his term) and not lost my mind, and gotten a compliment from another mother about how amazingly sweet i am with kids.

(i know. who knew? me, sweet? 😉 )

i’ve been struggling with panic, and fear, and anger, and frustration – all bottled up in the warm, dark corners of the brain, where they can fester and multiply. i want to yank all that out, write out where it’s coming from, face down a few issues, and quiet down the internal chatter.

and it’s not just ‘inward’ writing. my friends have been thru pretty much everything (birth, death, wedding, exams, graduations, landmark birthdays, anniversaries, losing jobs, finding jobs, losing relationships, looking for new ones…). there’s no good way to say how frustrating it is to only be able to give each of them the most glancing of acknowledgements. cleaning out boxes this week, i found stashes of letters from *cough*20*cough* years ago, and it was so calming to see them. we all need more letters. after the move, i’m going to start writing letters again.

this feels like just another ‘oh, woe is me, so uninspired…’, and i don’t mean it to be. more like ‘woo! i strung together sentences! and spelled words! and didn’t take off my socks to count! go me!’ and more like – i’m stuffing my life into moving boxes for the next week and a half, will gladly provide you with the beer/meal of choice should you want to help out schlepping boxes from point A to point B, and can’t wait until it’s July 2nd. posting may be sparse or incoherent until then. 🙂

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Colorblind :: traffic lights

Shallow :: ocean

Erotica :: liminal

Figment :: newton

Eviction :: processing

Composed :: salad

Chill :: iceberg (as in, lettuce)

Girl :: power

California :: surfing

Bond :: Girl

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listening to the news, the BBC reports on the drive home, reading about the latest casualties each morning, i give some thought to the soldiers, ours and others, in the Middle East pretty much every day. i worry about my friends, people whose family members are serving, have been over there, might be sent over. and daily reflection, i figured, was good.

then i read julia’s latest post. thank you, matthew weber. thank you, julia, for the story and the cards. thank you, matthew, for the impulse to say thank you – and following that impulse.

and thank you to those who are serving or have served. thank you.

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