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Archive for May, 2005

he’s been working on balloon twisting lately. so, of course, LS is also working on balloon twisting.

oh. mi. god.

the completely inappropriate subtext running in my head as i listen to the lessons…

hubby and LS are downstairs, and what i can hear is:

‘you need to hold on to the end of it, and just roll a bit on to the end. don’t roll on too much, because the pressure will break it. now, be careful with how you handle it…’

*squeeeeeee* *plorp* *bang!* *insane laughter*

all these lessons will be repeated, hopefully many years hence, in a completely different context.

and i have to be careful to not come down the stairs laughing, because the most deadly question is LS, looking me square in the eyes, asking ‘what’s so funny?’ 🙂

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today started with exhaustion, scurrying, and a mixture of concern for Little Small (who is having a hard time with a bully at school, which experience colors his whole day) and happiness that we spent a lot of good time together this weekend, LS and me. we spent Saturday doing whatever he wanted (beware the schedule planned by a 6 year old), and Sunday tromping around the North End and visiting Paul Revere’s house.

as my day progressed, tho, things felt harder. i had to drive downtown (mixed bag – The Dane let me drive, despite yesterday’s Curb Incident, but i had to park in town), we had an intense session (again, mixed bag – good feedback, but still exhausting), and then Many Errands Were Run. (note to self: examine the need to Think in Initial Caps.) there just wasn’t much of a break in there, and i get very squiggy about spending money lately, even if it’s justified.

and then it got fugly. driving in the rain on a donut, with zippo traction? sucks big green donkey balls. then, i made a wrong turn, thinking about other things and not really paying attention; habit driving can come in handy, but also sends you to strange places sometimes. since i was headed by the grocery with the late-hours bank branch, i decided to deposit my disbursement check. oooohhhhhh…. what a very bad idea. the woman refused to cash it. *%#@!*& a short, panicked phone call later, i found that she was right (altho still ultimately unhelpful or sympathetic), and Chef squared it all away.

while i was waiting to hear back, tho, i dropped my car off to get the flat repaired. so, for a while, i was wandering thru the rain, to the mall (bleagh), not sure if the rim could be saved, not knowing if i’d have to spend tomorrow at the mechanic’s, and thinking that i had zero dinero, despite my best efforts. if the day didn’t already look grey because of the weather, that all pretty much sealed it.

fortunately, life does get better, and does send you what you need if you’re open to the possibilities. i found a great deck of grilling recipe cards for cheap (i do still want the veggie crock pot recipe book, but this is a good substitute for now), treated myself to two Lindt truffles (mmmmm…. hazelnut, and raspberry), got a second pair of more suit-appropriate shoes at a steal (35% of the original price, which was staggering – i love a bargain), came back to the car to find a new tire and all of them rotated (plus the hubcap back on, and the donut in the trunk, despite all my crap in the trunk – thanks, guys!), and chatted with Chef for a while – and she rocks, long and hard, for doing what had to be done to get a new, valid check sent overnight.

plus, i got to talk to a bunch of people tonight, and spend some time with my hubby. so, roller coaster which ended up on the positive.

makes me have a lot more sympathy for LS, for sure. at nearly 7, he still lives very much in the moment (appropriately enough), and the entire emotional tenor of his day is determined by the last 5 minutes. it’s hard enough for grown ups to be able to see past the moment and know that there are ups and downs, and there’s a chance of things improving. when your whole day revolves around whether you get to wear your favorite shorts, or if you get grapes for your snack? whoofdy. so, i’m working on processing how the day feels for me, and scaling it to how it looks for him, and trying to be more in *his* moment when i’m with him.

so, how was your day? what were your high/low points? and did you jump in any puddles today?

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crap.

i just took a corner too tight, and blew out my front tire. and i had a donut spare, but no jack.

thank god for Triple A, who sent a guy over inside of 15 minutes. made the last three years of membership all worthwhile. and a copious amount of sushi and miso helped calm my nerves.

now for a viewing of The Contender, and some zone time. tomorrow, a trip to Sears to replace the tire and get them all rotated.

not exactly how i was planning on spending my Monday, that’s for sure.

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my pet peeve this week is the apparently unstoppable urge people have to defend themselves when they are not, in fact, being accused of anything. ‘but i didn’t do it! i was with geoff – i wasn’t there – i was dead at the time!’ all i asked was for a favor; i didn’t drag your ass in front of the grand jury, for god’s sake. and if you did do it, then had the grace and spine to apologise, it would be such a non-issue, it’s not even funny.

twice this week, i’ve asked people to help me out with a situation that was making me uncomfortable. and they both decided to respond with ‘oh, i didn’t do that’, as if i said they caused the situation. ‘could you help me keep the door locked? thanks.’ was what i said. ‘but i didn’t unlock it!’ whined one, and ‘oh, i checked the little button thingy. several times, even!’ kvetched the other.

did i ask if you caused the problem? did i blame you for being careless? did i hold you responsible for the increased risk of theft? did i tell you that i’d sic the SPCA on you for potentially letting my cat outside to get run over? do i look like a give a shit about how it happened? because i don’t. i don’t give a shit how it happened. all i want is to know that you’re gonna work with me in avoiding the problem in the future. that’s all. i don’t care about your guilt, or inertia, or shirknitude, or ability to whine at high pitches that bother dogs in the next county.

just lock the damn door.

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it’s been ages since we’ve sat down to relax and watch a movie together, so that’s just what we did last night. or, i should say, hubby watched National Treasure, and i tried to.

you know when you sit down to watch what you expect to be a completely mind-numbing escapist film, all ready to suspend disbelief, and you lose it? you’re right there with the idea of aliens invading the earth, and the government implanting mind control devices via Twinkies, and a vast right wing conspiracy to fix the score on a Knicks game – i mean, *right* there, man! and then they get some minor detail, just a little too close to reality, jarringly wrong, and you think ‘nah, there’s no conspiracy. the Knicks would have won that game anyway.’ then the rest of the movie is all about continuity errors, and finding plot inconsistencies, because it’s too implausible to enjoy.

hubby said that Independence Day was like that for him. aliens? check. Will Smith and Hair Tonic saving the world? check. Randy Quaid successfully steering a plane up the tailpipe of a spaceship, even completely shitfaced, and making smart remarks while doing it? check. and then Jeff Goldblum tried to upload a virus using an iBook. never gonna happen, says hubby. (altho i pointed out to him that that involved a lot of supposition that the aliens were using Netware, and didn’t he ever wonder where Jobs got the idea for the iMac, anyway?)

so. National Treasure. i’d been interested in seeing it, because it looked like good, over the top, blow ’em up conspiracy fun. and it might have been, if they hadn’t lost me in the first five minutes. screwing around with history always gets my goat (god, where did that phrase come from?); in my opinion, too many people get their ideas of history from popular media, and don’t question whether or not it’s accurate. and if you mess around with my family in the process? now i’m really mad. if you haven’t seen the movie, Charles Carroll makes a brief appearance in the first few minutes. most of the info is right, but he was never a Freemason. such a mminor detail, and i have nothing against the Freemasons. but i’m really proud of my family history, and it rubs me the wrong way to have misinformation spread around.

(also, the Declaration would likely have crumbled when removed from the case, to say nothing of being tossed around like a frisbee.)

it was a fairly entertaining movie, in the end, and hubby was very understanding of my running commentary. i think tonight, tho, we’ll try a movie that’s *completely* fictional. 😉

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first and foremost, if you can spare some prayers or kind thoughts for a sick girl, it would be appreciated. Little Small’s school has been helping out the family of a kindergarten girl in another school in the district; she’s been in and out of hospitals for most all the year. i heard today that she’s not doing well, and any positive energy you can send towards her family… it’s sure to help.

(scattershot post, so don’t expect segues.)

i think i’ve finally put my finger on one of the roadblocks in the job hunt. it’s really nice not having information overload every damn day. i get to pick and choose what to give my attention to, and the pace is much gentler. not so much email, not so much data, not so much interruption… it’s quite lovely. the thought of going back to an eight hour grind of information… well, i know it’s necessary, productive, and even fun when you find a challenge you like. but still. so, having identified the roadblock, i can now work on getting around it.

on a somewhat related note, i’ve been thinking about changing courses, lifewise, and realized how much respect i have for Chef and her choices in the last year or so. she got a degree in one field (culinary arts, hence the nickname), realized that for a variety of reasons she couldn’t take the daily physical grind of being in a commercial kitchen, and picked a whole ‘nother field to pursue. have i mentioned that she got her license as a financial advisor? yeah. *whole* ‘nother field. and she’d doing a bang up job as our advisor. 🙂

*sharp left*

Mother’s Day was lovely. it’s been a mixed bag the last two years, as i’ve struggled with my role, and in whose life i figure. still nice, but… confusing. this year, LS (of his own volition) made me a poster card, with MOTHER spelled down the left side, and a different thought for each letter. M was ‘Makes me dinner’, T was ‘Teaches me things’… you get the idea. bright and early, at the ass crack of dawn Sunday, *patter patter patter* ‘i made you something!’ and The Dane and LS presented me with the scroll, a Darth Vader illustrated novelette (limited run publication of one copy), and a card from both my guys telling me they loved me. *melts* now, i’m not normally the gushy type. but i can’t help thinking how very, very lucky i am, not only to be loved, but to have them tell me how much.

i’ve been thinking lately about what i’ve learned so far from being with The Dane, and one of them is to be much more verbal about telling people i love them. it still doesn’t come easily to my New England self. but it’s easier every day, and seeing the immense positive energy of saying those three words makes it even easier.

another thing i’ve learned, or just picked up, from hubby is a love of boxing. now, i’ve been interested in many arcane things because of who i’ve been seeing at the time. and many of the subjects (not the guys) have become interesting in their own right. but i have to say, it’s still surprising to me that i now really love boxing.

yup, The Dane is a former Golden Gloves contender and boxing afficianado. i watched a few bouts on ESPN Classic early on, before we were even dating, because i knew he loved the sport. but i couldn’t really appreciate it, and part of me still thought that beating up another person wasn’t really sportsmanlike. then The Contender came on. man, oh man! i *love* this series. and i’ve started taping old Ali fights, watched Ring of Fire and taped an Emile Griffith fight, learned some of the lingo and personalities, and really gotten into it. should you ever pass by our house when a match is on, you’ll know from the wholehearted screaming and admonishments directed at the television set. 😉

*veers to the other side of the road*

i suppose this is sort of related to the ‘less information overload’ thought… if you’ve written to me lately, please know that all email gets read, but that my response time is lagging, at least by some standards. it’s all in the queue, and responses will be forthcoming.

…right after another round of Bejeweled. 😉

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i was getting into bed the other night, and noticed a spot which turned out not to be a spot, but a tear. i’ve worn those sheets so threadbare that they fell apart. sigh. i actually contemplated sewing up the tear, but there just isn’t any fabric left to hold the repair together.

on an unrelated note, life with hubby is never boring. given that he’s a magician and vaudeville performer, any number of interesting props turn up all over the house. and when he was teaching himself to play the ukelele, i came downstairs one night to find Little Small in the tub, splashing and singing the Sponge Bob song, to the accompaniment of The Dane, who was sitting on the toilet (lid down, thankyouverymuch), playing the ukelele and singing right along.

and then there are nights like last night. i was sitting in the living room, and hubby came in to ask me a question.

‘honey, would you strap me into my straitjacket?’

yes, life in our household never lacks for adventure. 😉

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