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Archive for August, 2006

anyone else fabulously underwhelmed by the outcome of America’s Got Talent? i swear… the only vote that made me happy was Rudy Macaggi. the rest… feh.

so, i think we should start lobbying for better judges next year – people who actually understand variety acts. here’s my slate of judges: Eddie Izzard, Bette Midler, and Teller. or Charlie Frye. these are people who like more than singers, and *get* the breadth and depth of talent out there.

your vote?? what say you?

MedSm has the best aunts and uncles ever. Uncle E took the cake, tho, this year – he took MedSm to his first ever full length Red Sox game. they were both wiped and happy when they got back late last night – and that’s all good.

wiped, wiped, wiped… working on the gardens, working up to booking gigs, working thru finances, working on everything at work… and yes, there is much satisfaction in most of that. still. i would *love* an entire 24 hours of sleep.

accidentally picked up a pinot noir the other night, thinking i was grabbing a chardonnay… such a guilty pleasure, the red wine. it will kick my ass, as i like the wine, but it doesn’t like me. still. can’t recall the last time i had a red wine, and it tastes nice.

love, love, love that hubby made the bed, did the dishes, took out the trash, and offered to do laundry today. have i waxed rhaphsodic lately about my spouse? 😉

still working on planning out our family vacation week – have tons of ideas for plan B days (when it rains), and mapped out a bunch of outdoor/beach stuff for the rest of the week, and am still looking for cool family/kid things to do week after next. suggestions, anyone?

… and i just hit the wall, mentally. *boof* ‘night, all.

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shphew.

so, some days (okay, most), i spend too much energy beating myself up over what wasn’t done. and it seems to me to be a useful exercise to revisit what was done. because, let’s face it – do you ever not have a to do list? nah, didn’t think so. neither do i. there’s always something to be done. and while i don’t advocate a backwards facing approach, it is good to acknowledge and move on.

today and yesterday were good, positive, productive days for me. i still feel hip deep in alligators. (…and there’s an image you don’t want to take into the bathroom with you.) however, i have accomplished much, fed and cared for those i love, freed up space, both physical and psychological, sorted thru and let go of physical things that don’t need to be clogging up my life, had company for dinner 3 nights out of 4 and loved it, set up a home office space, chosen to celebrate the positive in my life, felt really incredibly lucky, and gotten *thatmuchcloser* to having MedSm’s birthday party all set.

as for the sorting thru things – i’ve decided to live by the rule that i should only handle things once. as in, don’t move things from pile to pile – instead, decide what to do before you set down the item. this lead to much frustration and aggravation the other night, as i wandered around with item X in my hand, still, trying to decide. it also led to the gift of feeling lighter, and clearer, and happier the next day, when i saw the progress from my efforts. yes, bills will still be put into the ‘to be paid’ pile; however, a decision is still made, so i count that. 😉

and as to the feeling lucky: i’m still feeling all kinds of scrabbly about many things. and yet, still, driving along today, running errands, i saw that i have the immensely wonderful and reassuring gift of knowing, deep down to the core, that i am with the right person for me, and that we will always be together. there is a difference between wanting and knowing. i want to be with hubby, and i hope that we’re together for many years. beyond that, tho, i know, with (as hubby would say) a moral certainty that He and I are It. i don’t doubt that he and i will be together for the rest of our lives. and i love knowing that. that, right there, is the biggest reassuring hug you can get from the universe.

he is so good to me in so many ways… to wit: we don’t have much money at the moment (see scrabbly, above). i asked him if he would mind me spending time with Chica next weekend, for my b’day, because i didn’t want to step on anything he had in mind. goddess love my hubby… he feels like he’s a bad hubby because he can’t shower me in things and events. *shakes head* i told him that the emotional ballast that he provides for me (with specific examples) is worth more than any thing. he is the rock in my life, and that, right there, is gift enough. he rocks my universe, and i work every day to give the same gift back to him. work, perhaps, is not the right word, because it’s something i take on willingly, and something that i take great joy in being able to do for him.

… of course, i did offer up that a kick ass foot massage would be much appreciated for my birthday. 😉

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well, lessee… still feeling a bit scrabbly about some things, but seeing a way thru it all. this is good. 🙂

pissed off that i sliced my finger open on a file folder today. made typing damn difficult, and i think i was more tweaked about the inconvenience than anything else. still freakin’ hurts. basta.

had a great day at work – wherein i realized my to do list was a bit thin, and asked around the office. ‘bring it on – what do you have for me?’ what a great feeling, to have managed projects down to free up that kind of space! *love* it.

i also really got something about work this week. (and i think kate gets patent rights on the phrase ‘really got it’.) it’s been a lot of learning, taking on this job – and that’s a prime reason that i gunned for it, that i would learn and grow and stretch. this week’s shift was this: i am the face, and the voice, and the key in the door. we are a service organization, and my ability (or lack thereof) to show up at 8 damn 30 every freakin’ morning has an immediate impact on our clients. not like the last few jobs, where a decision might impact a client 6 months down the line. and not so immediate as my physically customer facing jobs, where i was slapping down drunk ass ticket holders. nope, this is somewhere sort of close to the latter, and nowhere near the first.

and the light bulb went off. and it led to a very funny moment, and much satisfaction. (two items, altho they sound related.)

i asked hubby to take on MedSm in the mornings. generally, we split the duties: one of us gets him up and makes lunch, the other drives. and last week, i got that i can’t do either half and still get myself out the door. i am apparently completely useless before caffeine (*big* freakin’ surprise, nu?), and can only be responsible for myself in the a.m. so, i ask hubby to take child duties – at least for a few weeks, and maybe always. and is he okay with that?

… in classic Hubby Mode, he says ‘well, that’s a little inconvenient for me.’ *LMAO* and i did. i laughed a lot. because i got that he wasn’t saying no, and that he would step up to the plate, and that he was just speaking the truth. it is inconvenient, because it gets between him and a good sleep in, or a good cup of coffee. so, i think my new response to any favor hubby asks will be ‘well, that’s a little inconvenient for me.’ *snort*

part two is that, with the ‘rental pressure off in the morning, i’m there, at work, bright and shiny every morning. and i’ve worked down my list, and felt damn good about what i put in, and was thrilled to be at a point where i could offer to people to shovel it on, and take the burden off them.

side note: i love my job, because even before the shift, and even more so now – i find myself surprised by how late it is every time i check the clock. honestly, i am never bored, and love charting my own course, and love being able to give my time to this venture. i have yet to have a day where i’m counting the minutes. on the contrary, i often find myself juggling to get out early enough to pick up MedSm, and not because i’m swamped, but because i’m fully engaged in the work.

…and we should all be so lucky. i count my blessings all the time that i have such a great job.

for the weekend: catching up with Chica, hopefully, gardening, setting up my own office at home, and planning out things for our vacation week. there are so many cool things to do in town, and i’m excited to play the tourist in town for a week. 🙂

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that’s the phrase that keeps echoing for me recently. and is it any surprise that it has to do with insurance and bureaucrats?

so… backstory, hubby has been carrying insurance for us the last few months, because he could do that before i could. given the fact that the job is a 10 month position with 12 month coverage, he had to pony up for the summer on previous pay periods. not bad, and we’re happy to have insurance.

fast forward a few months, and now i’ve got a job with better coverage, so i try to transition us to my company. my company is all happy and good about it. hubby’s? not so much.

[intermezzo: we’re shifting from one plan to another with the same insurance. and the insurance people assured me that they would be *happy* to repay us the difference while we were double insured.]

and then i go in to talk with the HR Woman From Hell at hubby’s day job. here is a woman who is inordinately fond of power, who doesn’t like to cut anyone any slack (see point #1), and who detests paperwork. this last is a severe impediment for someone working for government.

despite the fact that i have legal rights to terminate our coverage and switch over, have the legal right to be reimbursed, and have the legal right to discuss this with her on behalf of my spouse – this *incredibly small minded and nasty* woman refuses. she declared, and i’m not making this up, that ‘the insurance company has no right to tell me what to do with your insurance money’. *blink* um…. yessssss, yes, they do. as does the federal government.

and at some point, when i saw i wasn’t getting any blood out of the stone, i folded. yep. i caved. i caved, i went outside and burst into tears, and then i found a better way to deal with the problem.

since the stone wouldn’t move, mohammed did.

i went to my HR person, explained the debacle, and asked her if we had options. after questioning the sanity of the other HR person, my HR woman said ‘no problem. do you want it in cash or payroll?’

oh, yeah, baby. my rockin’ HR woman made sense out of the problem, and made it all right. because she is sane, and kind, and reasonable.

and if Nasty HR Ho’ Number 1 makes any sort of stink about the measly payout she was *willing* to give us? back off, beyatch. because i have your number.

this rant brought to you by the letter I and the number 1.

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hullo. *waves*

‘sfunny. whenever something happens to disrupt the rhythm of life at home, i find it hard to come back to writing. some of it, i’ve written about before: once you’re in the groove of writing more or less frequently, it’s hard to be jolted out of that, and harder still to get back to that place. and, also, there’s the self-imposed ‘must catch readers up on what happened’ bar to meet.

so. no bar, no quota, no catching up, at least not at the moment. i’m sure i’ll write about bits and pieces of the last few weeks as i make sense of them. week long retreat with work, finding new strength in unexpected places, falling apart sometimes – and giving myself the space to do so, MedSm being away for over a week, being apart from hubby for 5 days – the longest stretch since we’ve been together, ever – and how that felt/resonated… all of that has happened recently. and eventually the stories will land here.

still catching up, with people, and events, and email.

mostly, right now? i wish it weren’t so damn hot. when the places you live and work are “more or less” air conditioned, this kind of weather leads to melting. and? no more Mel Gibson. basta, you bastard. nuh’uh, no way. you, like Woody Allen and Garrison Keillor, among many others, are no longer welcome to cross my threshold. (this leads to a whole ‘nother rant about Treasure Hunters and the exwife…oh, dang, i’m way too tired to explain, but there is a segue. and a rant. are you surprised? no, i thought not. *g*)

efffhhh. hope all y’all are keeping cooler.

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