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Archive for October, 2006

i’m sitting here at Command Central, my new nickname for the home office. i’ve installed support for our new Vonage account, and it freakin’ *rocks*. i’m so hyped about it, i’m tempted to say it r0x0rs. 😉

got all the tech gadgets installed, no problems, cabled it neatly (and may tackle recabling the rest of the setup this weekend, as the spider’s nest pisses me off), made a few calls to test it out, hubby decided to call back to see how it all works, and the new caller ID is verrrrry sexy. ah, the power of the internet. 🙂

also, got a promo CD from a friend of ours who is running a club in South Beach. so, i’m sitting here with a glass of wine, listening to the club mix, blogging away, with my newly Vonage-enabled phone sitting on the shelf behind me.

sometimes, technology is good. 🙂

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(i actually had a more philosophical sort of post in mind, but i’m tired, and trying not to catch another cold, and man, oh man, were the flannel sheets yummy! like getting a big bear hug.)

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Weeks :: Meads
Cough :: sucks
Jail :: time
Produced :: film
? :: punctuation
Stapler :: red swingline
Next :: exit
Perky :: annoying
Oxygen :: mask
Musical :: Broadway

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MedSm had such a boy moment the other night. now, if you know me, you know i try not to gender-ize things. on the other hand, there are differences between all of the genders, and it’s not bad to recognize the attributes of each.

it’s after dinner, and i ask MedSm to do a chore. it’s the second or third time, and i really wish he would just do it. he starts, then starts doing the Jiggle Dance, and asks if he can go to the bathroom. “nah, you have to hold it. of course you can go!” then, a split second later, he decides to finish the chore first. when he finishes, he grabs the book flyer from school, looks up at me, and announces this:

“i may be in there a while, so i’m gonna take this with me to read.”

i fall apart giggling, and he asks why. “no reason, that was just very boy.” huh? “no worries… take it along. any reason you wanna read in there?” well, i get bored in there, and so i want to read.

*snigger* yup. that’s my boy. 🙂

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it seems especially a propos in light of today’s news of another plane crash in New York City. this afternoon, at the end of the workday, there was a phone call, and a web of conversations, and then “plane” and “New York” and the internal echo of oh, shit, not again.

(side note: we all jumped on the web to check our favorite news sites, which reported things reasonably accurately. then i hopped over to wiki dot org to see who the person in question might be. it was not a little ghoulish and a lot freaky that within 30 minutes of the story breaking, the wiki article had been updated with his at that point suspected but unconfirmed death, and listed it as fact.)

anyway, back to all about me. *sardonic grin*

lately, and more frequently, my posts here are focused on what comprises my daily life. and that focus is smaller and smaller these days. my life, it seems, takes place more often than not in a 5 mile square plot of land. and the players, generally, are the boys in my life – my hubby and my kid.

and i’ve struggled with this. part of it is learning and creating the roles that i take in that venue. mom, wife, volunteer, library coordinator, employee, friend – and balancing this with how to keep up with the people i’ve known for years. hell, chica and i used to talk every damn night. now? weeks between calls sometimes, because we’re both in different places than 10 years ago (hallelujah, for some of the changes, because we’re both in healthier places, but i still miss her calls, and bemoan my lack of calling skills…).

more than that, in terms of writing… i struggle with the idea that it’s all about me here. right, yes, my space, all that jazz… but. it seems that, if you choose to publish your life and your opinion in a public place, it’s not all that different than contributing to a newspaper or magazine. on one level, publishing your own site/views is a form of public media, and there are both rights and obligations that go with that.

on the other hand, what i just wrote is just so much bullshit. old ideas of media don’t necessarily apply to what we create every day, building our own personal presences on the ‘net. and the idea of obligation? basta. early on, there was the whole ‘am i a journaller or am i a blogger?’ angst. in hindsight, who cares?

and then… well, here’s the thing. i do read the news every damn day. and i do have opinions. the recent massacre of Amish students struck a deep chord for me… of all people, of all the targets, children, and children in a society that is deeply and intentionally pacifist… and the anniversary of 9/11… most of us in the Northeast knew at least one person who died that day. but what did i post on 9/11? something sappy, and that’s all i know. you’d never know, from this site, that i spent any part of the day in observation of the anniversary.

but i can’t really bring myself to write about headlines. for fuck’s sake – i wrote about some comment that Rumsfeld made a few years back, and how i thought he was *clever*. this, btw, was before i figured out what a cold hearted fucker he is. and so, if my comments are only so much air, and my public angst makes no difference… why write about it?

the entire question comes down to self-imposed standards and expectations, of course. it seems sort of facile to be even writing about this internal debate, but there you go. i suppose, in some way, this is my mea culpa, my disclaimer, and my raison d’etre all smushed into one.

no clever punch line, just… been thinking about why i write what i write, and thinking about the fact that it’s okay that it’s all personal.

and so here’s my question to you: why do you write? post a comment, drop a note… would love for you to share what your motivations are.

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(note to self: put on calendar for next year to start taking massive quantities of Vitamin C and echinacea a week before school starts. i swear, grade schools are cess pools for plague. miraculously, MedSm appears to have only been the transport vehicle for said plague.)

most of it has been fever, and chills, and much congestion (thankfully, not in my lungs), and coughing. oh my lord, the coughing… in Olympic competition proportions. here’s how much i coughed: my abs ache as if i’ve been doing 500 situps a day (and damnit, i want the abs to show for it!). i went way beyond coughing hard enough to cry, or pee. nope, this was world class coughing. hard enough to give myself a charlie horse. hard enough that the little thread of tendon that holds your tongue down in front – i strained it. strained a muscle i didn’t even know existed.

the cough, i am tired of it.

and i’m tired of being tired. when you have to ration your energy and prioritize what you can get done in the 20 minutes you have left in you once you get home from work, and the list consists of cooking *or* eating? that’s too damn tired.

thank heavens for cough syrup with codeine. i have to say, tho, i felt a little like a low rent alcholic, because i carried around my little bottle of liquid relief, and surreptitiously took a nip out of it every few hours. did the trick, tho. and according to the x rays, i still have both lungs to show for it, which is good, because there was some question for a while.

feeling a bit more human these days, and enjoying the fall, which seems to have arrived in a hurry, rushing in with crisp air and clear light and turning leaves, and trying to ignore the sudden onslaught of Halloween/Thanksgiving items in the seasonal aisle, for at least another week or so.

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