Archive for November, 2004

dear x –

it’s an interesting question you pose, about deceptions, and which ones cut the deepest. i suspect i know what you’re getting at, but since you’ve put it out there as a theoretical question, you’ll get a more general answer out of me. hope that will satisfy your curiosity.

the easy answer, the one that leaps to mind, is this: the deceptions that other practice on us. but even there, there are levels, aren’t there? if someone lies about, say, their whereabouts on the 20th, that may or may not be an injury to you. if you had plans with them, and they discarded you for an alternate plan, for other people or places, that can cut pretty deeply. on the other hand, if they lie about liking Brussel sprouts, it hardly matters, does it?

but that’s the easy answer. it’s immediate, it’s visceral, and it’s personal, so the impact is pretty clear. what about the more subtle deceptions? i suppose you can’t really say that large scale diplomatic or political deceptions are subtle, exactly (and i’ll leave it as an exercise for you to pick the duplicitous event you like best), but think about it: what do they mean to you? you may get angry, you may decry the action, you may even take steps to reverse the effect. and then you get up the next morning, shower, get dressed, and head to the corner store to buy a gallon of milk. your everyday life doesn’t change, and you may even forget for a time that you were angry, or have the anger supplanted by the next outrage. and yet: your everyday life does change. life is a little different. you may not have the same options or freedoms. your family may not have the same opportunities. your friends may have to tighten their belts. and you know life is a little different, but the direct line may not be there.

alright, i can hear you shaking your head. ‘that’s all public’, you’re saying, ‘there’s no deception in that.’ mmm. i would argue that what is public is not the entire picture, and perhaps we should leave the argument at that.

if we put that one down, tho, i’d challenge you to take up the next, and it is this: the deception of self. it is the subtlest, the hardest to see, and the most difficult to engage. we, as humans, are so very entrenched in this idea of self that we often don’t see our selves for who or what they are. no, this is not a theological or even philosophical debate, altho we can certainly take it down that path someday, over a pot of tea and some shortbread (your mother’s recipe is divine, pun only halfheartedly not meant). instead, i’d say that we spend so very much time being us that we don’t always look at what forms ‘us’. who are we responding to, what needs are we meeting, what facade have we built and lived with for so long that it no longer feels like facade but face? if those needs aren’t coming from us, why do we choose to take them on? whose idea of ‘self’ are we trying to satisfy? and if we’ve listened to other voices for too long, aren’t we really deceiving our selves?

i said i was going to give you a general answer, x, because you didn’t really give much context to the inquiry. forgive me if i’m overstepping bounds (altho our friendship has always been quite resilient) – perhaps the last is the thing for which you were searching. with the gentlest of nudges, i would suggest you’re looking for the call to connect with your self. let go. meditate. walk along the shore. listen, deeply, to who is around you – also to what is around you, as environment is key. but most of all, let go. i think you’ll find there’s not much of a fall, and it’s quite liberating.

namaste –



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Monday Madness:

1. What is your favorite sport?

besuball. basketball (old skool 70s style) is a close second, for the sheer balletic grace of the game. and (god forgive me) golf.

2. Do you watch sports on television?

not often; i generally catch up on the Wild World of Sports when i’m home sick. i do enjoy watching the weekend competitions, especially in winter sports, and even more the X Games sort of thing. i spent a whole weekend watching snowboarding last year, trying to figure out the vocabulary strictly from the commentary. 😉

3. In high school, did you (or do you) play any sports?

i went out for track briefly, figuring that it didn’t take any more skill than being able to run, so i should be able to do that. it was more challenging than i thought it would be. after that, i went back to theatre, and radio, and yearbook, and math club, and key club, and volunteering… yeah, even then i was a geek. prouder of it now. 🙂

4. Any favorite teams?

do you even need to ask? Red Sox, baby!

5. If applicable, did you (or do you) attend your child’s games?

Little Small is currently taking karate classes, and it’s a pleasure to watch him learn to master each series of forms. i expect he’ll get involved in a few others along the way, and i intend to go to as many of the games as possible.

6. Do you think professional athletes make too much money?

mmmm. yes and no. apparently, the economy will sustain those salaries, so they can’t be too outrageous, or the sports would collapse. on the other hand… it does seem a bit rich in some cases. it is only a sport. on the other other hand, we watch the games because we’re entertained by them. and i don’t see anyone complaining that other entertainers (singers, actors) are overpaid. eh. if it’s really too much, there will be a self-correcting dip in the industries.

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unconscious mutterings:

Reconnect:: network

Gearshift:: uphill

Mania:: seasonal disaffection

Manhattan:: Cosmo

First date:: teenager

District:: courthouse

Yearbook:: powder blue

Breakup:: painful

Episode:: phase

Costume:: makeup

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we’ve both been laid off.

anyone hiring a couple of geeks?

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as of this morning, i’m temporarily the sole breadwinner for our little family.

positive karma our way would be muchly appreciated.

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see, i was being all organized last night, doing laundry, sorting papers, and cooking up a few dinners to make sure nothing went over and that my guys had plenty of good food while i’m gone this weekend. by the time i was done with all that, the skillet was pretty roasty toasty. so i put it, and the lid, in the sink.

perhaps you can see where this is going. i certainly didn’t. 😉

i ran some cool water over the skillet and lid. at this point, the lid is on the skillet. and in mere seconds, it was even more firmly on there. hot skillet + well-fitting lid + cool water over said arrangement = vacuum. hrm.

so i decide to run water over the whole contraption, thinking (not too clearly, i might add, since it was late and i was loopy) that cooling down everything would resolve the issue. nope. just adhered the lid ever more tightly. i put the pan down, figured it would cool off inside as well if i let it sit for a while, and turn around to putter elsewhere, putting stuff away.

about 20 seconds later, it sounded like someone fired off a starter pistol in my sink.

you may have guessed what was going on, but i was completely unprepared, and mightily amused, by the sight of my stainless steel skillet lid completely inverted. i called The Dane over to giggle about it, and he just shook his head, biting back the laughter, and saying that he guessed he knew what his project for the weekend was going to be.

hey, at least it wasn’t stuck anymore, right? 😉

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i went to see if i’d paid a (long overdue, if outstanding) parking ticket that surfaced while cleaning my car recently. when i typed in the ticket number, the page that came back telling me there was a zero balance had this at the end of the url: inputAction.doh.

heh. made me laugh out loud, on a day where i could really use a laugh.

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